Off to Lubbock, Texas…no, we’re still in Fresno!

Kathy and I went through a difficult financial season. Large expenses came one after another until our savings were gone, and we took out a loan to recover. We knew we could not afford the payment long term, but I planned to return to work for a while and handle the debt. Job hunting had always gone well for me, so I expected it to work again. Instead, I spent the next ten months looking without success. I had several interviews, but no return interviews. Eventually I realized that this door was not opening. When I walked into an interview, they may have expected someone in his fifties, but they saw a 75-year-old man with a crutch.

After wrestling with the situation separately, Kathy and I counseled together one Monday morning. We quickly concluded that the only answer we could see was to sell our house, pay off the debt, and move to a less expensive place. After study and prayer, we considered our options and felt we had an answer. We were moving to Lubbock, Texas. By the end of the day, our house was on the market. Pictures were taken and we were on homes.com by Friday. We cried together while we started packing, hoping for a quick sale, and to make the house more neutral for showings. We acted quickly, before the full weight of what we were doing could settle on us. Within a few days an offer was being prepared for us. But a few hours before that offer came in, we received a text from someone with a generous offer that made it possible for us to stay. A kind person saw our broken hearts and stepped in. If the text had come two hours later, our house would already have been sold, and we would have been on our way.

This was a traumatic experience for us at a level we cannot fully describe. It left us with several questions: Why did we receive confirmation about the city we were preparing to move to? Why did we need to pass through this experience at all? And what meaning could come from this moving-and-not-moving experience? Kathy and I spent hours pondering and discussing these questions deeply. Let me share our conclusions one at a time.

Why did we receive confirmation? Many years ago, we had a big choice to make. We prayed and prayed but did not receive an answer. At that time, I carpooled with a member of my stake presidency who became a mentor to me. I described the situation to him one morning, and he suggested that both answers could be right. Perhaps the Lord did not care which direction we took because either choice would bring needed growth. As we prayed about that possibility, the Spirit confirmed that it was true. We then chose the direction we would take.

We believe our recent experience was similar. The Lord was not primarily concerned with which city we would choose, because He had something larger in mind. We were not ultimately being moved. We were being taught.

So why did we need this experience at all? We have thought and discussed deeply about this question. As we reflected, I realized that we needed a new level of trust in the Lord. We knew He loved us, but still wondered whether He would help us land well. We were facing the loss of twenty years of a special closeness to our sons, years of deep friendships, and the home we had made into our dream house. How could the Lord allow that? How could such an experience possibly be for our good? Eventually we had to let go of those questions. We were hurting too much to think clearly about what was ahead. We had to trust that the Lord loves us immensely. If He was allowing us to pass through this experience, it must be for our good. Letting God “take the wheel” led to faith at a new level for us.

What meaning could come from this moving-and-not-moving experience? We learned that we worship a God of miracles. When things get perilous, we can turn to God for a safe landing. Our sons reached out to us in a way we had never experienced before. We felt a renewed love. As word spread of our impending move, we experienced something that we had not expected. We knew we would dearly miss family and friends of the past 20 years. But we did not expect the many expressions by others of how much we would be missed. The experience gave us a deeper sense of love to and from our many friends in Fresno.

We have learned more deeply that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love us immensely. Every experience They allow can ultimately be for our good. They will guide us, comfort us, and lead us forward until, in the end, we land safely. Sometimes that safe landing may not come until we stand before the judgment bar of God. But it will come.