In 2005, we decided it was time to buy a house again. As mentioned, our previous Fresno home had been foreclosed several years before, during the transition from my earning the family income to Kathy earning the income. We had been renting for several years. In our search, we looked at many, many homes and made offers on five. It was a hot seller's market, and we just couldn't end up making an accepted offer. Jim Christiansen, a close friend from church, came to our rescue and offered to sell us one of his rental homes. When Jim took us on a tour of it, it had been badly damaged by his current tenant. Jim went with us and was as shocked as we were. Every door and many walls had holes. The inside carpets were pulled up and had been placed on the lawn of the backyard. It had appliances that did not work anymore. Kathy cried for two days at the thought that this was all we could afford. Then Jim offered to have his handyman go through and make it habitable before we bought it. We agreed on a price. He had the contractor go through and fix everything to a comfortable living standard. He updated the kitchen. He also made changes to give us an "open concept" space between the kitchen, dining room, and family room. It took about three months to get the house ready for us. To help us afford it, he used all "builder grade" materials. This kept the home within our financial reach. (In the following twenty years, we upgraded as repairs and replacements became necessary.) We made the purchase. He even financed it for us. We moved in during winter break from the school where Kathy worked. We are forever grateful for Jim's kind acts.
Unfortunately, there was a huge real estate crash a year after the purchase, and our home was worth half of what we had paid for it. For the next 15 years we slowly returned to the house being worth what we paid for it. Of course, value doesn't matter unless you sell. Kathy had already declared that she would only leave this house in a body bag. She had reached her lifetime max on moves.
We had moved into the Gettysburg Ward. I was still in the later stages of recovery from my bipolar meltdown. It was shortly after this move that they came up with the medical cocktail that brought emotional stability within my reach. Jeannie Dehmel was in the new ward. Kathy knew Jeannie from work at Freedom Elementary. Jeannie had been working with her granddaughter while at Freedom. Kathy and Jeannie became best friends. Kathy was struggling spiritually at this point. The many difficult experiences of the past few years had worn her down.
Since Clovis Unified did not advance Kathy into the chain to become a principal, she started applying for openings that came up outside CUSD. She advanced to superintendent-level interviews several times. Two of those resulted in a job offer on the same day, one from Fresno Unified and the other from Kerman Unified. After considering the opportunities, she chose Kerman and became principal at Kerman-Floyd Elementary. The two previous principals had only lasted a year each. A couple of weeks after her start there she had a teacher come to her and say, "We have driven two principals out already. If we don't like you we can do the same to you." The teacher started a movement among some of the staff to hold back support for Kathy. Kathy stood firm in where she intended to take the school. After a couple of years, the school boundaries were changed, and transfers became available to her teachers. The delinquent teachers realized they would not intimidate Kathy and chose to transfer elsewhere. The remaining teachers chose to stay because they looked forward to Kathy's visionary leadership.
Kerman-Floyd had an impoverished clientele with 98% of its students on free lunch. (The other 2% were her teachers’ kids.) Her master’s thesis on multi-generational poverty proved to be an important tool here. She was Kerman-Floyd's principal for 12 years. During this time, she reopened the music program. She also started a school garden, student video productions, a 3-D printer program, a robotics program, and a drone program. When she started, computers were rare on campus. She wrote and received grants, scrimped on money, and bought more computers each year until every teacher had a laptop and printer, and every student in first grade and up had an assigned Chrome Book. Each kindergartener had an iPad. The students didn't typically have computers at home so Kathy was determined they would experience them at school. There were many students who had their life direction changed. At the end of each morning’s announcements over the speaker system, Kathy would say, “Make it a great day or not. The choice is yours.” When someone got in trouble one of her first questions was, "Did you choose to make it a great day today?" While you will never reach every student, many were helped under her leadership. One sixth grader got in trouble...again. She talked frankly with him about his behavior. She finished by saying "I thought I already taught you this." He started to walk away but then turned around and said, “You taught me a lot more than that, Mrs. Goodlad.”
The school had a part-time IT specialist. She quickly recognized his potential. She had his position converted to full-time. He once saw that the students had no typing skills. He started an after-school typing class on his own time. He started an after-school video program where they learned to plan, shoot, and edit their own video projects. Fresno County had an annual video contest. The students would produce a one-minute public service announcement and compete with other schools. The age group KF fell into was 6th to 8th grades. This made them compete with junior high school students who had actual video classes. The KF students filmed an entry about nutrition, written by several sixth-grade students. They did a rap. They filmed in front of a green screen and edited in the backgrounds. Writing, filming, and editing were all done by students. They took the sweepstakes award. The sweepstakes winner was selected from all age groups, including high school. They had beaten everyone! The following year, they took first place in their age group. The second year was interesting because the film was written, filmed, and edited by a 4th grader. This put him below the age category eligible for the competition. Kathy got special permission to allow him to compete after assuring the county that he wouldn't be embarrassed. He took 1st place in the 6th grade to 8th grade category. Kathy became a fierce writer of grant applications. She would call her IT guy and ask, "What do you know about 3-D printers?" When he said, "Nothing," she told him to go study because they just awarded us a grant. This happened on 3-D printers, robotics, and drones. A student team entered an international robotics competition in which teams were assigned tasks for their robot to do and submit a video of its completion. They had to do the programming and design to complete the assigned tasks. The path had to be programmed in advance, with no joy sticks allowed. The competition started with 6,000 teams internationally, and the KF team finished near 125th place. One assignment required the robot to perform a task this robot was physically not able to do. A fifth grader designed, in CAD, a part that would adapt the robot to complete the task. He then printed it on the school 3D printer and completed the assignment. This student came to Kerman-Floyd from India two years earlier without speaking English.
At Kathy’s request,the Fresno County Office of Education provided much computer training for the KF staff. Kathy and her assistant principal, Sandeep, took a difficult class on using computers in the classroom. It gave them both a vision of what could be. In the coming years, grant requests were written and awarded, and budgetswere carefully allocated to add computers on campus. Kathy knew these students would need computer skills to compete in future job markets. When this process bega, many teachers did not even know how to get on the Internet. One teacher excitedly came to Kathy to share that she just discovered the many options when you right-click. She never knew that before. This teacher progressed to orienting other new teachers to school computers. Kathy's staff became excited about the new direction and wanted success. They soon discovered that they were always ahead of the educational curve. They would attend training for new educational tools and realize they had been using them for years. She had one teacher tell her that they all knew if they had an idea and could prove that it would help student, Kathy would find the money for it.
She started a school garden project. She got lots of community support from vendors, who donated materials, and parents came and built garden beds. Twenty-five 4’ x 8’ raised bed gardens were built. Each teacher who wanted a garden could have it as a class project. Our own sons put the irrigation system together with parts and plans donated by a local vendor. A few months later, someone vandalized the gardens over a weekend. Vegetables were uprooted, and soil was turned over. Bikes ridden through the beds. A sixth grader went to Kathy about the invasion. He was a kid hanging out with people who were getting him into trouble. He was nearly in tears over what had happened over the weekend. He told Kathy that he and his friends would help rebuild. Kathy had a prompting that something special could happen here and asked him to be the school’s garden captain. He took it seriously. He studied gardening, went to teachers when it was time to plant or harvest, or reported when irrigation was not right. He and his friends weeded during recess. When the Lions Club and school board members came to look at the garden, he led the tours. He moved on to junior high school so Kathy lost track of him. There is a tri-county educational leader's professional group. Every year they picked some students for special awards. One award was for the student who had overcome the most to succeed at school. In his senior year, Kathy's garden captain was given this award. He was a champion shot putter, and he was college-bound.
At the time of our move, Gettysburg Ward was led by Bishop Evenson, who had been serving for nearly seven years. I was assigned as the home teacher to the Evenson family. We enjoyed getting to know the Evensons well. Once, Bishop Evenson complained about a stomachache. He had a doctor’s appointment and asked me for a blessing before the appointment. This was a very difficult learning experience for me. During the blessing, I said that his problem would turn out to be minor and he would recover soon. Instead, the doctor discovered the late stages of pancreatic cancer. Bishop Evenson went downhill quickly and died a few weeks later. I was left with serious concerns about the blessing I had given. I did not participate in giving blessings for several years while I sorted through this experience. Since then, I have realized that I had given Bishop Evenson the blessing that I wanted to give him, not the blessing that was to come from the Lord. I have learned that giving a blessing is a declaration of the will of the Lord, not a command from me. I now deliberately avoid pre-forming my thoughts so that when I lay my hands on the person, my mind is clear to receive revelation. I know everyone has his own method that works but I now know to reach out and "hear" the Lord's will.
Bishop Dehmel was called to replace Bishop Evenson. He was the perfect leader to help Kathy through her spiritual crisis caused by the many trials of the past few years. He took the time to talk with her often to help her recognize her strengths and her value. He and his wife, Jeannie, became close friends. Kathy was called to be ward chorister about two years into our Gettysburg Ward membership. She continued in that calling for 13 years. A few years later, Bishop Dehmel felt a strong prompting that Jeannie, his wife, was to be the Young Women’s president. She agreed to serve if Kathy and Hortencia Rodríguez would be her counselors. They were great leaders and helped several girls through difficult personal and family situations. Kathy eventually reached the point of overload as the combination of school leadership demands and the needs of the YW program became greater than she could manage. She was released and began to teach the youth group in Sunday School. This did not include all the outside activities, which was ideal because it kept Kathy successfully teaching the youth. She loved the experience and was there for 8 years, but she was very disappointed when she was called to do something else.
The doctors came up with a medical cocktail that brought a lot of stability to me. For the first time in many years, I had the ability to manage the emotional highs and lows that came from bipolar disorder. Today, they still come some, but they are less extreme, allowing me to work through them. I have learned to recognize that symptoms are coming and to take "time out" until I am emotionally centered again. After a year of stability, I decided to try the workforce again. I was hired as a part-time accountant. I did well there, and the job eventually became full-time. Unfortunately, the company did not continue to get enough work to keep its doors open. I went three weeks without a check and decided to quit. I applied for unemployment benefits to keep going until I found a new job. A few months later, EDD challenged my benefits and threatened to require repayment. I made my case but they insisted on a hearing with the employer. As the hearing started, my former boss asked why we were there. When told that they were questioning my eligibility for benefits, he said, "I don't. He deserves those benefits." The worker stopped then and closed the case.
I applied for many positions through several recruiters. Robert Half contacted me with a position as controller for a construction firm in Tulare, 55 miles from home. Their previous accountant had created a mess and was months behind in her work. She was fired the day before I started. I never met her. I had to create the job description. I started as a temp employee and, after six months, was hired full-time. The position was a good fit, and their accounting problems steadily disappeared as I identified and solved problems. One very frustrating day at work many things went wrong. At the end of the day, I had to print a termination check for an employee. I tried several times, and something went wrong each time. I was finally down to my last signed check (the owners were out of town), which came out incorrectly. I said a single swear word out loud. The only swear word they had ever heard from me. The people in the office ran in to find out what had gone so wrong. They knew that if I swore, it had to be bad.
Eventually, their accounting software company decided to discontinue the product and support. I was assigned as project manager for installing a new accounting system. This was in addition to my role as Controller. We selected a system that was highly recommended and well-suited to our company. Because the new system setup was done in addition to my daily duties, it took 9 months to be functional. I did my daily duties, and after everyone went home, I worked on the new accounting system. I could also work on it from home, which sometimes happens at 2 AM. The new system was very different from its predecessor. It gave the same information, but the path to it was different from that of its predecessor. Unfortunately, a key employee had the owners’ ears and could only see that the system was different. It didn’t matter to her that the system provided all the same answers; she had to change how she got those answers. She began tainting the owners against the system. The owners were negative about the work I was doing. They even threatened to not pay for the new software. Under this pressure, my bipolar disorder became an issue again. After a few bipolar incidents, I decided that the best solution was for me to retire at 62 years old. Once I had the new system running, I announced my retirement.
I watched this company change to a second generation of owners. The founder had established a very successful construction company. He knew that his employees were essential to his success, and he treated them as such. Wages and benefits were the best. He sold the company to his daughter when he was ready to retire. She and her husband were focused on the lifestyle the company could provide them. They saw the employees as a cost that was limiting their lifestyle. They began cutting benefits and compensation and put more demands on employees. Soon, the best employees went to competitors, and the worst stayed behind. Profitability suffered. The daughter then decided that her father had overpriced the company because the profits were less than anticipated. She went back to him and demanded a lower purchase price. The father confided in me that he was brokenhearted at the treatment he received.
I became Kathy’s house husband. I did laundry, cooked meals, and cleaned up. Cooking was a challenge because I had never really cooked before, but I did learn. I enjoyed this new role. I did this for four years until Kathy decided to retire.
Our two dachshunds passed within a few months of each other. “Scooter” and “Sadie” joined the family shortly after. Scooter is always on guard duty and tells us when anything approaches the house. Sadie is the family lover dog and diva. Carmen was in her last months when Sadie came. Carmen was deaf and blind. She was depressed after her brother passed. Sadie made it her goal to get Carmen to play. She gave Carmen attention several times daily. And Carmen finally started playing after a few weeks. Sadie is our feel-good dog. Carmen spent the last few months with a new friend.
On our 42nd anniversary, we were having dinner at Black Angus when Kathy held up her water glass and said, “Here’s to another 42 years.” I quickly calculated how old I would be in 42 years and answered, “I hope not.” The mood of the evening was squashed. I often remind myself not to overthink before opening my mouth.
We once had our house broken into while we were still sleeping. All of our computers were stolen. This included several thousand family pictures that were stored on my computer. I have since started scanning all those pictures again. But our storage is now duplicated in a digital cloud account. We began a security system on the house to help prevent a recurrence. The alarm system steadily evolved to include automation and cameras. I then began adding Alexa Echo devices that began a movement towards a smart home. I was in heaven while learning these new skills. And I enjoy it when the sprinkler system sends me a message that it isn't going to water today because of expected rain. Lights come on and go off on schedule. Kathy can tell Alexa to announce that dinner is ready. Brianna especially likes this duty.
I was called to serve as Bishop Dehmel’s executive secretary. I think I was able to help him, but also, the calling helped me spiritually and emotionally. I was still hung up, believing I had been rejected by the Lord and could never serve as a leader or even receive salvation. My success as executive secretary proved that I could serve. While commuting to Tulare, I listened to recordings of the semi-annual general conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. One day, while commuting and listening to a general conference, I felt overwhelmingly that God loved me and that there was room in His house for me. This was life-changing. Afterward, my gospel studies differed, and I allowed myself to develop a closer relationship with the Savior and our Heavenly Father. My demeanor totally changed after this experience.
Bishop Dehmel was released after seven years of service, with Bishop Malcolm replacing him. Our ward boundaries were also changed, bringing in many new ward members. One of the difficulties of the old boundaries was that the church membership in the area had declined sharply. Many of those who remained were older and had limitations in how they could serve. Our Sunday attendance dwindled to about 65. A ward could not function with this few committed members. In the reconstructed ward, Bishop Malcolm asked me to serve as his executive secretary. The dynamics of the new ward with so many new members required me to really step up my game as an executive secretary. I grew more in this new role. Bishop Malcolm and I became close friends.
Kathy once bought a little plastic pond enclosure to go under a tree in our backyard. She asked Adam to dig a hole and get it level. She then went into the house. A few hours later, she came out to see two more sons and a 4’ deep hole that was 10’ across. Adam said, “Mom, you want a real pond.” He and his brothers put in the liner and lined it with rocks, and we got a pond pump and filter system for it. And we had "a real pond". Cleaning the filter system was difficult. Six different filters had to be removed and washed out individually. As we aged, this steadily became more difficult. One day, Adam, who is in the pool business, had a client who wanted a new pump and filter system for his pool. His old system only needed a gasket to work fine, but he insisted on a new system. Adam then called Kathy and asked if she wanted a pool filter system on her pond. Of course, she said yes, and it was installed. The pond was crystal clear, where it had always been clouded and green. At a family dinner a few months later, Adam noted that the new filter system could handle a bigger pond. Was she interested? What could she say? But yes. So, a second pond was added. The ponds eventually received more than 30 koi and many turtles. (We are not sure how many turtles reside here.) New koi and turtles came along as births happened.
Kathy received a prompting at school each mid-year concerning a focus for the following year. This happened every year for her twelve years at Kerman-Floyd. Finally, she received no prompting concerning the 2018-2019 school year. In November, the prompting was to wind things up and retire. She didn’t tell anyone except her assistant principal. To announce this to the district would have voided her effectiveness as an administrator. During the wind-up period, she was disappointed that her superintendent did not see the accomplishments made at Kerman-Floyd. The school was praised throughout the region for its successes. But at her retirement party, her superintendent said very little about what she had accomplished, and he then raved about another retiring principal. The superintendent of another district stepped up and spontaneously spoke about Kathy's accomplishments at Kerman Floyd. But when it was over, Kathy knew she had done her best for her students.
In spring 2018, President Witt, our stake president, approached Kathy and me and asked us if we could be available for a service mission in the employment center. Because of my bipolar disorder, we knew that a full-time mission probably couldn’t happen. But a service mission with me close to home and doctors was ideal. We were called to serve in Development Counseling Services, providing support for individuals with barriers to obtaining and keeping employment. Our task was to determine abilities, assess skills, and find a match in the job market. We even had a budget to provide training for the new career. The tools we had were excellent and really helped us find a new direction for each client. We worked with people who had life changes, mental illnesses, and even past prison sentences to overcome. Several times it was a homemaker who her husband abandoned. Or once a construction worker who became wheelchair-bound and needed a new career direction. Because of the many past difficulties Kathy and I had been through, we had the ability to meet each client on their own level. We could tell them their future would be OK because we had overcome the same hurdles. Because I had formerly been a boss, and Kathy had formerly been a boss, we were concerned about who would be the real boss on our mission. We discovered that we didn’t need a boss. We became "Team Goodlad", each with a different skill set, who could coordinate together to find what was best for the client. We were a united team. We were very successful. The mission caused the already great relationship between Kathy and me to grow enormously. We wanted to serve for two years, but after a year and a half, our circumstances changed. We had some financial setbacks that required me to start working part-time. Aaron and his three kids moved into our home. And COVID 19 started. Kathy was in charge as his kids attended school from our home. Let's tell one client's story. He was a returned missionary but still had very low self-esteem. One assessment tool suggested he would be a great truck driver. He was really excited at this prospect. We sent him out to sort through the existing trucking schools and pick the best one for him. He came back with a choice. The tuition cost was within our budget from the Church. He started school. We watched his face light up with a confidence he had never known. He became a full-time driver and provided comfortably for his family. We loved watching his success.
When I was looking for a part-time job, while sitting outside Bishop Malcolm’s office with Dave Farley, his first counselor, I mentioned to him that I was looking for a part-time position in accounting. He asked me to send him my resume. He said his son is a partner with a CPA firm, and he might find a connection for me. Within a few days, I was put in touch with Guillermo Moreno at Senior Citizens’ Village. I became an accountant for them. Their charter required monthly CPA-reviewed financial statements. I had to provide all the documentation to support the accuracy of the monthly statements. I was there for two years and had a wonderful experience with this non-profit. The demand for reviewed financial statements brought a new level of professionalism to me. I also see the Village as a role model for a non-profit. Their focus was always to provide low-cost housing to seniors. They watched spending carefully because everything we spent administratively would result in higher rent for the seniors.
I was once assigned a new person to home-teach. The next day, he called me and asked to meet. The man told me that his landlord of 20 years was evicting him. They had decided to close the units to refurbish. This enabled them to evict the existing clients to increase monthly rent for the refurbished units. I told him I would talk to the Senior Citizens' Village administration in hopes of learning his legal options. Instead, the administrator told me a vacant unit was available right then. There is usually a 2-year waiting period to get an apartment but they decided to put my friend at the head of the line. We moved him in, and he has always been grateful for his treatment. His rent was lower, but the apartment was much larger. The Village had public transportation that helped get around town when needed.
Some more financial setbacks and home repairs put pressure on me to return to my career full-time. I felt it was time to start looking on Friday, so I sent out several resumes through Indeed that night. On Monday, I was called by two firms for an interview. I met with a solar panel installer to see if I matched their need for an accounting manager. The monthly closings were months behind. In addition, no one had developed a way to match revenue with its related costs. They had a rough idea of their yearly profit from the tax returns. I was hired to develop accurate monthly financial statements. It took three months to bring things up to date, but I was able to provide a regular monthly financial statement. The nature of the business was unique, and I had to develop several new processes to match expenses with related income. The quality of the financials steadily increased as I developed better methods to match expenses with the related revenue. My skills in Excel continued to develop. Whenever asked if something could be done, I always said "Yes". I then researched on the internet to see how I could do it. I know that some of my spreadsheets were revealed to me by the Lord. I would later look at a spreadsheet I had completed and then realize that I wasn’t that smart. Once, I needed a certain complicated Excel calculation that the usual formulas didn't do for me. I put the question out to the Excel professional community and got the answer from a guy in England. I worked for the company for two years. I believe I brought a new level of accounting competence to the company.
A few weeks into this new job, my new boss asked me in front of all the other accounting staff, “Do you really believe Joseph Smith was a prophet?” I said yes. She asked, “What evidence do you have?” I told her the Book of Mormon is the most significant evidence of Joseph Smith’s prophetic calling. Several months later I had spoken in a sacrament meeting on a Sunday, and I felt prompted to tell my coworkers about my speaking assignment and the topic. I mentioned that I had spoken on the Second Coming of Christ, and a 30-minute discussion of what we believe began.
At the end of 2021, the company began tremendous growth,, which came to me as increased workload. By April 2022 it reached the point where I simply couldn’t stay on top of it. I worked longer and harder, which actually made me less productive. ,In May I had an experience that later proved to be a stroke. I was suddenly unable to organize and manage the needs of the job. My sense of balance was off, and there were holes in my memory. I had appealed for more help, but they were unresponsive, so I announced my retirement. They found a successor, but she couldn’t start for several months. Because of my reduced capacity, I quit working daily. They had to limp along until she joined them. I agreed to be a tutor to bring my successor up to speed. I expected four weeks of training, but it took five months. And financial statements fell behind during this period. Full retirement finally came in November 2022. I have never been back. It’s not my game anymore, so why go see what’s changed?
Kathy’s mother, Pat, was a fantastic woman who stayed involved in many things until her 90’s. At 85,, she was tap dancing. She was also a fishing legend. In her early 90’s her health deteriorated almost overnight. Kathy went to Lakewood to see her as often as she could. When Kathy retired, she committed to visiting her mom five days a month. She would leave early Thursday and return late Sunday. When her mother passed away, Kathy had only missed visiting on the one month that I had COVID. This was a great period for Kathy. When Pat was still physically strong, they shopped, went to movies, and did fun things together. Pretty soon, Ron, Kathy’s brother, joined them in many activities. When Pat’s health further deteriorated, Kathy continued her visits, which included downtime with Ron. Kathy and Ron have both lived exemplary lives of service. But their different life directions kept them from having time together to become close. As Kathy and Ron spent time together, they began to understand each other and each’s commitment to their faith. They became close friends.
In the middle of the COVID crisis, Kathy was called as ward Relief Society President. She was disappointed that this would pull her away from teaching the youth. This put her in charge of the well-being of all the women in the Gettysburg Ward. She was not expecting this. Bishop Cornelius was clear then that the Lord specifically wanted her to serve there. Until that time, Kathy wasn’t a big Relief Society fan and was irregular in attendance. She now had the charge to bring closeness to a group of women who couldn’t meet because of COVID. She started an online Sunday video session for them since physical gatherings were prohibited. But she also focused on the idea that no sister should feel like an outsider (as she once felt). This especially became a theme once the sisters could meet again. She sought out her fellow "outsiders”. She started a theme of “send a little love,” with each person texting someone missing each week. Each person should either feel welcome when they come or feel missed when they don't. Many continue this today.
Kathy’s mother finally passed away in November 2021. Her burial plot is on a steep hill. Kathy and I had great difficulty climbing up to the seating area. As the various cousins acted as pallbearers, we looked at that slope, and there was a real concern that someone would slip, and Nana and the boys would go sliding down the hill. It didn’t happen, but it certainly is an interesting mental picture. As an observer, I watched as Ron and Kathy worked on distributing their mom’s estate. The process was exemplary of how the process should take place. Ron was the executor. They each put great effort into being sure the other one got a fair distribution of the assets. They each were more concerned about the other than about themselves. It's too bad that this process often breaks family relationships.
Our home is not in a "dream neighborhood" but a safe neighborhood. The home meets our needs well. We went shopping for a newer house but decided our present home and ward best suited us. We decided to prepare our house to last the rest of our lives. A few years before, we replaced the AC system. We had the complete plumbing replaced all the way to the street. We updated the interior with new flooring, paint, two updated bathrooms, and countertops and improved hardware. We replaced the roof. And we feel like the big-ticket items are repaired to last the rest of our days. I've played with creating a smart home with smart lights, sprinklers, pond pump, etc. It's been fun and keeps my geeky self happy.
At some point in the past, Ben gave Kathy a ukulele. She loved it and practiced. During our visit with him in 2018, we all went on a tour of various shops. We went into an art store when Ben told the owner, “This is my mother.” The owner turned around and went to the back office and brought out three ukuleles. And they had a jam session. In the years since she has practiced and gotten steadily better. As we traveled, she collected various ukuleles. Her involvement in the community band became more difficult. Eventually, the flute, which has been her favored instrument, was replaced by her ukuleles. Ben and Michelle married in 2019, and we attended physically along with over 100 Zoom viewers who couldn't gather because of COVID-19. Kathy and I visited Ben and Michelle again in July 2021. They had purchased a home in Lincoln City, Oregon. Ben and Michelle were great hosts and had a busy itinerary prepared. We watched whales, blew glass, visited parks, and rode antique trains. We had a great visit with two wonderful people.
After few days home from Ben's we both had COVID along with David, who was living with us. (We believe David's case was from work at the jail and ours from the plane ride home.) I slept around the clock for two days and then felt mostly better. Kathy’s case was difficult. She had difficulty breathing. Her energy disappeared. Her mind slowed. The effects of COVID lasted more than a year for her. During this time, she was released as RS president because she could no longer manage the demands. She had served well. She was then given the assignment to teach youth in Sunday School. Teaching is her first love in life and is her perfect place. She is happy there, hopefully for a long time.
Back in 2020, I began having some physical symptoms. In the beginning, I had cramps in my leg muscles. It steadily got worse. The cramps turned into constant pain. After the stroke, I lost my sense of balance and began falling frequently. Other symptoms gradually started showing up. Through a series of MRIs, they discovered back issues that cannot be surgically corrected. The pain will continue to grow. The stroke affected my balance and left me with some memory issues. I make do as well as I can. I have learned that being mad about the changes will not improve them, and anger will make me less happy with life. I have learned to adjust my lifestyle around my physical limitations. Eventually, I was unable to work on cars and sold my truck. I bought an older Jaguar but learned it requires too much maintenance for a guy who can't work on cars anymore. I have learned it is finally time to end my love affair with cars. (More later)
Kathy survived a difficult 2023. She had surgery for a melanoma removal covering a large area on her right arm. She went through a breast cancer scare that ended up testing negative. She got COVID again, but this one was much less than the previous case. And there were several medical procedures done that year where she faced some lifetime fears. But she faced them bravely.
We crossed our 50th anniversary in July 2023. We celebrated by staying for a week in Fort Bragg, California. We had a wonderful time. Fort Bragg is a long drive but a beautiful town. As we cross our anniversary each year, I realize I did it again. I love her so much more than ever before. I’m so grateful to be along for her journey. She has this way of ensuring that everyone she spots feels important and welcome. Kathy claims she took out a 50-year warranty on me. At our 50th anniversary, I passed the point of no return. She is stuck with me.
Since I was 13 I have been a car guy. Over the years, I have tried several times to build a car. I completely rewired three cars: a 49 Plymouth, a 51 Willys Sedan Delivery, and a 54 Kaiser. Starting in high school, I've had a 1955 Chevy, a 1967 Sunbeam, a 1948 Ford (mildly modified flathead V8 mill), a 1936 Ford (full race '48 Merc flathead V8 mill, 3 Stromberg 97 carburetors, magneto, Edelbrock heads & headers), a 1966 Volvo 544 (which looks like a baby '48 Ford sedan), a 1972 Datsun 240Z (many mods), a 1954 Kaiser (Chevy running gear, Dakota Digital dash), a 1956 Mercury Station Wagon (just flipped it after a few weeks), a 1950 Ford F1 pickup (Chevy engine), and a 1951 Willys Sedan Delivery (so, so much done to it). Several were almost completed when the progress stopped. Each build was cut short because of funds, health, or time. Each was finally sold uncompleted. In 2021, I owned a 2010 Tacoma, and I decided it was time for another car to be built. I went first-class in everything to make a truly unique truck. Soon after the build, it became obvious that I would not be able to climb in and out of the lifted Tacoma as my back deteriorated. I sold it to a guy who had recently finished up his own truck, but it was stolen. By getting mine, he could start again with an already-finished truck. Mine needed paint, but he has a cousin who paints. I came across an older Jaguar XJ8 in my search for a replacement. I have long been in love with the great body lines and race-bred suspensions of the XJ Jaguars. I decided I wanted one. It took a few weeks of online shopping, but I found a 1999 Jaguar XJR with 57,000 miles in Chicago. The owner was a collector who kept his cars in an air-conditioned garage at one of his car dealerships. Sadly, I soon learned that older Jaguars need too much maintenance for a guy who can't work on cars anymore. And it is too expensive to hire one of the two mechanics willing to work on it. I sold it on the Bring A Trailer website.
Kathy has an interest in cars now, probably a survival instinct. When the PT Cruisers came out, she quickly bought one because she liked the different look. It was later replaced by a newer one when her first one died in a car accident in which two of our family cars were totaled at the same time. They had a look that she liked, but they were underpowered and had awkward handling. After some searching, she bought a Mini Cooper. She loved it, but this one proved to be very unreliable. Our later studies show that this was Mini Cooper’s worst model for reliability. We finally sold it and replaced it with an upscale Honda Accord. For three years, she told me how boring an Accord was. (Especially a silver one.) I finally decided to look for another Mini and found a three-year-old in Arizona with only 7,000 miles on it. We bought it and I am finally forgiven for selling the first one. She loves it, and since she only drives 4,000 miles a year, she plans to have it for a long time. I am only allowed to drive it occasionally. That may have to do with the time I briefly traveled 110 MPH when driving to Morro Bay.
Life has become much more challenging than I expected. I thought retirement would include some car builds, and leadership in Church roles. As I have physically deteriorated I can now barely walk. I am in constant pain and can only sleep in 2-hour shifts because of the pain. And I am always afraid of falling because of my loss of balance. I have a fall about once a week. Typing is difficult because my hands never quite do what my mind tells them to do. (Probably stroke-related.) President Russell M. Nelson reminded me that my pain can point me to the Savior's pain. The pain I experience is sometimes excruciating. But I am only suffering pain for one person: me. The Savior experienced pain for billions of people while performing the atonement. I cannot comprehend that, but I am grateful He did it. My joy comes from gospel learning. My daily studies are essential and bring peace. I have a deep determination to stay focused on the future day I return to the Savior. Within my little circle of influence, I hope I can encourage others to look forward to returning to the Savior. And, of course, there is my wonderful relationship with Kathy. We love each other deeply. Back in 1973, I didn't know this kind of love existed. I hope to constantly reinforce to Kathy that she made the right decision in marrying me. And I remind her that the warranty is up. Don't be afraid when you hear us going after each other. We enjoy our banter. We are not mad. It is a part of our fun together. Kathy is also suffering a great deal of pain. At her best, she can work for two hours in the backyard, and she is done for the day...or week. I watch her as she makes dinner each night, and it is all she can get done until the pain catches up to her. Our non-relationship with grandchildren is a huge burden. An angry son has forbidden any contact between us and his three children. A bitter ex-wife is trying to ensure that we have as little influence over her daughter's life as possible. It brings Kathy sorrow every day. She receives great joy from her weekly assignment in the temple. She loves helping people have a great experience there. She loves the spirit of the Lord that she feels. At the entrance to the temple, there is a picture of Christ that causes her to feel like she is in His presence. And she often has conversations with Him right there. Kathy is a devoted teacher and loves her assignment to teach the eleven to thirteen-year-olds in Sunday School. She works with two other teachers who comprise "the dream team". They have different teaching styles, but each has the same objective of preparing youth for a faith-filled life.
While we have some challenges, we have great faith in the Lord's ability to help us meet any challenge. With all the changes in recent years, we are learning to serve differently. One time, during a prayer, the prompting came to me: "Don't focus on what you can't do. Do what you can do more often." And that's where we are headed. I am deeply grateful to the Lord for His love, mercy, and blessings. The blessings always outweigh the challenges. He is merciful even when I'm weak or unwise. I would not dare to ask for more than I have been given. I am grateful. We are very blessed of the Lord.