Our time in Fresno has been both difficult and miraculous. I lived in a furnished apartment in Fresno, joined by the family on weekends. We kept looking for the right house on weekends, before the family was ready to move. We found a "for sale by owner" that nearly fit our needs. It had a large pool and a spa. The yard was large, and it fed into Clovis schools. The only problem was that there were only three bedrooms for us, a daughter, and five sons. We presented it to the kids and they overwhelmingly approved the purchase because they were in love with the pool, spa, and large lot. The five boys would share a single bedroom. They said that they will spend their time outdoors anyways. The day we moved into our home it snowed and hailed in Fresno. Our pool was covered with ice that even cracked some tiles. Not the Fresno that we came to know.
We reached out to our new bishop, Bishop Bill Baird, to let him know we had moved into the ward. He told us of a ward dinner on Saturday and invited us there. We attended and he asked that we sit with him. During the meal, he looked at Kathy and me and said, “I prayed for you to come.” This could certainly explain the challenges of moving here. (Interestingly, Bill Baird has a Superbowl ring, having won the third Superbowl with Joe Namath.)
In December I was called to become a seminary teacher. I was very nervous about teaching youth because I had no experience. I was no Old Testament scholar and taught more about faith than history. The youth and I had a great experience together. Because of the unique geography of our ward, all high school ages met in one class at our building. I remember one day as I was preparing for the next day’s lesson there was a page in the seminary manual that raised a question for me, “Are you teaching lessons or are you teaching students?” That message has affected every lesson I have taught since then. I have tried to teach to the needs of my students. It isn't about getting through all the lesson materials, or a great history lesson. The message needs to be an experience that changes your students. I remember when teaching about King David, I taught about his rise to power and glory, and his faithfulness in worshiping God. Then we got to his fall and infidelity and even murder when he met Bathsheba. Some of my students had tears in their eyes because they loved David and he fell so far. I love David too, and he reminds me of how careful I must be to Think Celestial. As I said, we had a great experience together.
On the day of seminary graduation I was sustained as the bishop of the ward. What a wonderful way I had experienced in getting to know our youth before becoming their bishop. Our great experience together continued. Kathy became my replacement in teaching seminary and taught for three more years. Kathy loved them and they loved her. Our meetinghouse was being refurbished for a year, and we decided to move the seminary into our living room. Kathy was a great youth teacher, and I got to see them every morning in our living room. The experience was so great that we decided to keep it in our living room even after the chapel remodel was finished. And we had many ward youth parties in our backyard.
Several ward members trusted me with their past problems. As their bishop I guided them through the repentance process. I remember once during my tithing settlmement responsibilities as a bishop I was counseling with a couple who really struggled with tithing. It struck me during the meeting how tithing really works. The Lord has absolutely awesome power. He has promised us power from Him when we pay our tithing. So, when we pay tithing we have attached ourselves to a power that comes from God to help us get by. When we do not pay tithing we are choosing to do it alone. It's not that God chooses not to bless us, but tithing, like other gospel laws, is a natural law. There are certain blessings that naturally flow when we pay our tithes. When we do not pay tithes that flow stops and so do the blessings because we are not obeying the related law. One day after working with a repentant member, I felt a confrontation with Satan. I felt an evil power in the room with me. I felt him say to my mind, “I will take everything from you.” And he almost did in coming months.
We bought an old soda machine and modified it from being a bottle machine into a can machine. We set the price at 25 cents for a soda. Our house became to local youth hangout with a pool, spa, and soda machine. And I could get them to do anything for 25 cents so they could have a soda. When Jacob started school his teacher was amazed at how well Jacob understood how to break down change. Kathy explained about the soda machine and he learned every combination that added to 25 cents.
My employment turned out to have huge challenges. Their accounting system was antiquated. I found a local IT consultant named Ed Vadim who worked with me in finding the ideal network system. We installed one of the very first Windows based networks in Fresno in 1991. I traveled all over the U.S. looking for the right accounting software. I found a solid accounting package and I got it up and running. There were many paper and pencil systems used around the office to keep tabs on things that the old accounting system just wouldn't do for them. I hunted down all paper and pencil systems that remained. In each case I either incorporated into the accounting system or designed a spreadsheet or wrote a database to replace the manual system.
Kathy used to fill the kids' summers with weekly outings. The zoo, the Discovery Center, Forestiere Underground Gardens, etc. Always she turned the activity into a learning experience with discussions and reports. We had a big magnetic board that displayed chores. Chores were rotated weekly. We had a magnetic tag for each chore and they were drawn one at a time in rotation. We always had a big roll of fairground tickets to be earned by doing chores and other jobs. We had a family "treasure chest" filled with age appropriate things (as the kids got older so did the treasures) that could be purchased with tickets. When their rooms were not being cleaned up I would go into their rooms with a big trash bag and collect whatever was out of place. They could then purchase them back with tickets. Once a month we had a family business meeting in which we would discuss things like calendar, family budget, etc. Keeping them in the loop on family budget helped a lot. When someone wanted something we would turn to the family budget and say, "What budget should it come from and what do you want to give up to buy it?" Then we could tell if they really wanted it. Saturdays were for yard chores. We had tags with the regular chores on them and made some tags with special chores. Early Saturday morning all the tags for the day were set out on the kitchen table to be picked. To pick a chore you had to be dressed and ready to do it right then. They were first come first served so the early bird got the first choice. You would pick one chore, then go do it, and then come back and pick another and go do it. I think we had a limit of three chores each Saturday. We always stopped by noon and had an afternoon family activity. Many of our kids got involved in soccer which took some scheduling around. Adam started playing soccer when he was 4 and we went to his weekly soccer games until he was 32.
Once one of our sons gave Kathy attitude on a house rule. She answered, "Your brother Peter did that once." They looked at each other and answered, "We don't have a brother named Peter." Kathy said, "Yeah, and we didn't keep any of his pictures either. Think about that before you try that again." And she walked away.
Food with five big boys was interesting. We ended up with a nearly six foot daughter, and five sons who started at 6'4" and went up. We used to shop monthly with weekly fill-in. If left unsupervised the month's worth of groceries would be gone by the third day. Kathy put a lock & chain through the side-by-side fridge and locked the pantry. She would set out treats for after school so they didn't starve. There are no signs that they were underfed. At dessert time one person would be assigned to do the cutting. The person doing the cutting had last pick for the dessert. I have never seen such accurate work being done. You could measure the pieces of cake with a micrometer.
One of the owners of the company I worked for turned out to be the most immoral man I have ever met. Another employee later told me that when I was hired, they all saw me as his scapegoat. I was the one earmarked to go to jail if he got caught. Somehow if he got caught the guilt would point to me instead of him. Later, after I left the company he did get caught and set his son-in-law up as his scapegoat who went to jail. He told me to prepare a false set of books to cover up how he was overcharging a customer. The customer knew somthing was off and demanded an audit. I refused to cook the books and the work situation became impossible. I quit. And someone else cooked the books for the audit. (In the years since, a new generation has taken over management of the company. They have brought integrity back.) In the following year, while continuing as bishop, I never found sustainable employment. We ran out of personal resources and received Church help for food and house payments. Eventually, the stress got to me, and I started slipping into a deep depression. Our stake president watched me as I slipped away and had to release me as a bishop as I could no longer function.
I was eventually so depressed that I rarely got out of bed. Then I once came out of the depression for a manic episode in which I spent nearly a hundred thousand dollars in just a few weeks. I spent the money on project cars and parts. I thought I was starting a hot-rodding business. I couldn’t see that I lacked the ability for such a business. My manic mind was so unfocused that I couldn’t carry any plans through to completion. We were penniless and deeply in debt. Because I was responsible for our situation I dropped back into a hopeless depression and stayed there for years. Our house was foreclosed on, and our cars repossessed. We ended up in bankruptcy. Two years before this, Kathy had a prompting to update her teaching credential. She thought this was odd at the time because she had no intention of returning to the workforce. She was very happy as a homemaker and teacher of youth. This is where she wanted to stay. As I became unable to work, Kathy realized that it was falling on her to become the breadwinner for our family. She sought a teaching position at Fancher Creek Elementary School, and they were happy to have her. She started as a reading specialist, then moved to teach first grade, and then to the administrative team. She then moved to the new Freedom Elementary as an assistant principal. I'm so glad that Kathy acted on that prompting to update her teaching credential.
Kathy faced some criticism from other mothers who did not understand why Kathy went back into the workforce. For still unknown reasons her visiting teacher quit coming, leaving Kathy without support. We were not assigned a home teacher at that time. Karl Cooke was a good friend who looked more closely at what was happening in our family and asked to be assigned as our home teacher. He was there for Kathy when she needed him. He offered blessings when they would help me. He didn’t fully understand my condition, but he was there to help. When Adam earned the Eagle rank I was lost in my illness. I was not capable of organizing an Eagle court and Kathy asked the ward Scoutmaster to organize it for her. A few weeks before the court he told her that it was not his responsibility to do so and told her to do it herself. Fortunately, Kathy’s brother, Ron, then stepped in and organized a wonderful Eagle’s court. Never pass judgement. You just don't know someone's circumstances. As Stephen R. Cevey put it, "Be a light not a judge." Help someone climb out of the hole, don't judge how they got there.
I had come to believe that my service as bishop had been soundly rejected by the Lord and that I was damned for my failures. (Keep in mind my depressed state of mind.) I felt my continued existence would bring my whole family down and they would be better off without me. I had decided to commit suicide and was nearing execution of a plan. Although a very sensitive subject, I would like to expand briefly about the suicidal mindset. I have often hear people say how selfish suicide is. That is not necessarily true. The deeply depressed person can only see the hurt their condition is causing their family and see themselves as a burden. Once in this mindset, the suicidal person believes suicide will relieve the family this burden. Remember that life is seen so differently from the depressed mindset. We should be sensitive to help the person who talks of suicide. But we should be aware of the mindset of the deeply depressed person who does not talk of suicide. In my case I knew that by talking about suicide, others would try to talk me out of it and would possibly refer me for counseling. I had decided that suicide was the right answer and I did not want to be talked out of it.
Kathy felt that something was very wrong and came to one of my doctor’s visits and told all to the doctor. She told him I had been seriously injuring myself and was becoming distant from everyone. I was placed in a mental health facility that day. I then became an outpatient for a few months. I was diagnosed as having bipolar disorder. During my time with the facility, I was taught how to deal with personal failures and difficulties without being self destructive. I received new skills. I believe the most important thing the facility brought me was new skills in dealing with personal failures. In Kathy’s finest style, we had a family celebration when I was released from treatment. And we watched, “What About Bob” as part of the family event. I remember once asking Kathy, “Why are you still here?” She answered, “Our marriage is eternal. This is not you, it’s an illness.” I know there are many stories from this portion of our lives that only Kathy knows. I was too out of it to be aware of them. I have often thought about why Kathy received a prompting to take the matter of my mental health to the doctor. I have seen so many others take their lives when their families did not see the signs. My conclusion is that perhaps some are hurting enough that they cannot heal while mortal. Perhaps God allows their suicide to put them on the other side of the veil in a place where they can heal. I claim no special revelation here, but I do know that the Lord always acts out of love for His children. This fits in my mind.
Kathy left her career in education 17 years earlier when deciding to become a homemaker. Although Kathy didn't see it back then, she was always an amazing teacher. I now believe that the Lord wanted her teaching again because she was truly exceptional, and she still had lives to change. She has a unique ability to teach difficult students. Although my bipolar experience was tough, I also believe a great thing happened with Kathy's return to her career in education.
During this time our children also had some difficult experiences. Several became outcasts from the youth at church. One son was beaten up at school by a group led by his teachers' quorum president. Even youth leaders seemed disinterested as our kids pulled away. Two exceptional leaders were Bill Baird and Dave Hatch. Bill always took time to know our kids. Dave saw one of our sons being rejected by the youth and asked for his help in working with the Laotian troop, where he received his Eagle rank.
Many of the things that happened during this period do not reflect the values of our church. Some key people let us down. We then remind ourselves that Christ is perfect, his followers are not. When fellow believers let us down this is a reflection on them, not our faith in Christ.
As mentioned, our home was forclosed, and our cars repossessed. We had to quickly leave behind our home of eleven years and then we found a home on McCall Avenue in Sanger. Generous members of our church gave us their older running cars so we had transportation.