Unlike Kathy, I was not ready to be an adult when I became an adult. It took some time for me to find my place in life. I have been blessed with some success in my life. But there has always been a naggy feeling that I do not deserve success. I felt that if I stuck around long enough, those around me would discover me as a fraud. It wasn’t until more recently that I realized that I really am kinda OK-ish, and, with much help from the Lord, I have earned some success. I am sure my life would have been different if I had discovered my OK-ness earlier. As it is, I enjoy fulfillment today. I can’t change the past and can only build a better future based on what I have learned, and teach others based on lessons learned.
Dad was from England but grew up in Salt Lake City. His father lost everything when he joined The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and eventually moved to Heber Utah, and eventually on to Salt Lake City. My grandfather was a spiritual man who had many experiences that led him to the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. In my dad’s English family setting he was expected to quit school and start helping to support the family when he completed the seventh grade. Dad always had the drive to learn, and he had a skilled mechanical mind. He took college classes into his 70's. He honed his mechanical skills as a railroad mechanic. At Stauffer Chemical, where he worked for over thirty years, Dad finished his career as Maintenance Manager for a large chemical plant with his crews maintaining millions of dollars of equipment. Dad once told me that he prayed for a solution whenever headed to a broken piece of equipment. Then, as he approached the problem equipment, he could picture in his mind where the problem was and could immediately direct his employees how to make the fix. He was known as the man with the “magic wand” who could solve any problem. He counted it as guidance from God. I have experienced similar guidance at work when I have approached problems with prayer. When he retired, he was replaced with a degreed engineer. Shortly after, they added a second engineer because the workload was too heavy for the first person.
I was spoiled. My dad had grown up poor and was determined that I would not have the hardships he had faced. Unfortunately, while giving me the material things he had missed, he also missed offering me the value of earning things for myself and experiencing the consequences of my bad decisions. We were not wealthy, but I had no chores and I got pretty much anything I wanted. My parents loved me. They just tried to make life too easy for me. It wasn't that they were trying to "buy me". Dad was just trying to protect me from his childhood. As my confusing teenage years came, I began getting into some trouble and making bad decisions. But each time, Dad tried to take care of problems so there would be no consequences. I remember resenting Dad for that. The level of trouble escalated until he couldn't prevent the consequences. Decades later I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, explaining my confusing teen years. Knowing how bipolar patients were treated back in the 60's, I'm glad I wasn't diagnosed until later.
I remember very few details of my life before I was 13 years old. I'm not sure of the reason for this. But my "feel" for that period is that I was well loved and generally happy. I remember a few difficult events that are not worth mentioning. But overall I believe I lived a happy well loved life before I became 13.
Dad was always an example of how one should treat his wife. One time Mom was on her knees in the kitchen scrubbing the floors. Dad walked into the room. He stopped and looked at her and said, "My queen is not going to do this kind of work." He then sent her out of the kitchen, knelt down, and finished the floors. Today if I see something that needs doing and am tempted to ignore it, I then realize that if I don’t do it Kathy will have to. So, I take care of it. I was taught how to treat my queen.
Dad was always on the lookout to help the guy at the bottom of the pile. He once had an employee who showed up at work intoxicated several times. He was told to fire the man. Instead, he got a commitment from the employee to attend AA meetings. He even took him there at first. The man stayed with Stauffer until after Dad’s retirement. I remember him coming over to our house several times and telling the story. Dad was a bishopric counselor for nearly 20 years. He eventually became bishop of a singles ward at the age of 73. He served there for three years until Mom passed away.
When I turned 13 it was as if a "bipolar switch" suddenly turned on. Life was instantly confusing for me. My grades in school often declined, but would often turn good, depending on the mood of the period. I considered being accepted by the crowd to be my highest prioirty. I lacked the moral courage to stand up for what's right. I was labeled as rebellious, but for me it was just confusion. My social life revolved around fellow "racers". Because of bipolar disorder, I was confused and angry and I pushed away nearly anyone who wanted to help me. My parents became the primary targets of my anger. I was leaning towards dropping out of high school. Everyone is confused in high school, but I was spiraling. I had a math class with Dan Glasser as my instructor. I have not confirmed this, but I was told that he was a former business owner who sold his business leaving himself financially independent. He decided that teaching high school was the perfect place to make his time count. He drove a VW bus with a Porsche 356 engine. Of course, I was interested in that. But his interest in me was more about my personal potential. He had me at his beach-front home with an open invitation to come by any time I needed to talk and to enjoy his hamburgers and sodas. (Something a teacher probably couldn't do today.) I would drop in on him and he would listen and offer alternatives, and he convinced me that I was worth educating. This changed the direction of my entire life. I finished high school. I took the SAT and earned the second highest math score in the school. I remember in a math class once the other students were comparing SAT scores. When they asked me, everyone except Mr. Glasser expressed disbelief at my score. He simply said, “I knew it.”
I became interested in cars at about age 13 when Dad bought me a Ford 292 V8 to rebuild. I became a good mechanic and knew how to tune cars to run well and be fast. Once, I rebuilt a friend’s 1956 Chevy dual four barrel setup and was paid by his giving me his non-running 1936 Ford Coupe with a hot rodded 1948 Mercury flathead V8. My love of cars has stayed with me all my life and has been fine tuned with experience. Dad bought me a 1955 Chevy with a blueprinted engine and 4-speed when I was sixteen. I got a ticket for racing on my first night out with it. This proved to be a pattern throughout my teen years. The Chevy was fast. When I was seventeen, Dad traded off my Chevy to buy a 1967 Sunbeam, hoping to slow my driving down. I was not permitted to drive it daily to school but was promised it would be mine when I graduated. Dad always drove nice cars, usually Cadillacs and Buicks. However, in 1960 he bought a Rambler station wagon. Pink, nonetheless. In high school I was convinced he had done this to ruin my life. Sometimes I had to drive the pink Rambler to school, between driving the Chevy and the Sunbeam. I usually chose to walk instead, hoping for a friend to stop and offer a ride. Looking back, I see how funny and superficial it was. And I have survived the trauma of the pink Rambler wagon.
When I was 18, I received 8 tickets in 6 months. Three of them in one night. The last for 115 mph in a 35-mph zone on Pacific Coast Highway going through Newport Beach. Should I mention that it was foggy? The officer had an emergency come up that probably prevented me from being arrested. The last ticket had a mandatory court appearance attached to it. There, I had to agree to surrender my driver's license. My final agreement with the judge was that I would lose my license for a year and that my driving record would be sealed afterward. After a year I was able to reapply for a new driver’s license. During this period, I drifted from my "racer" friends to another group that was into drugs and alcohol. I also began using some, which increased until sometime after high school graduation. One morning after a night of drinking I woke up this very strong feeling that I was on the path to becoming an addict. It scared me and have not used drugs or alcohol since.
Sometime around high school graduation I had an accident while racing the Sunbeam. Dad started a lecture about how reckless I was with my life. I angrily turned and walked out the front door and stayed with friends for three months. My parents didn't know where I was and had no contact with me. One evening while at my friends’ home, someone came to the door and asked for me. Although I don’t remember his name or how he found me, he was a member of the leadership of the youth group at church. He had decided to find me and to get me to move back home. He took me out to dinner where we talked candidly. He had a simnilarly troubled youth and understood me. At the end I decided, with his strong encouragement, to return home. Once home, Jerry Eynon, an adult leader of my church youth group, took a special interest in me. I spent a lot of time at his home talking about life and spiritual issues. He helped me find spiritual roots that have lasted my lifetime. Thank you, Jerry.
When I turned 19, the “bipolar switch” just as suddenly turned off. I returned to being a person of conviction. Being trusted by God became more important than acceptance anywhere else. I was called on a full-time mission in Washington D.C. for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This further helped me with the transformation to become focused and faithful. I taught many people about the gospel of Jesus Christ. Ten were baptized. I may not have been fully ready emotionally to start the mission, but I grew into it quickly. And it began my adulthood with a squarely spiritual focus and a desire to help others that has grown for the rest of my life.
One of my favorite events from my mission happened in Westminster Maryland. We went door to door to find people we could teach. We came to one home where a young mother answered the door. She invited us in. We taught the story of Joseph Smith's first vision. She seemed very interested in what we taught. We made plans to return in a week and teach more. That evening, during dinner, she called us to see if we could return to teach her husband. We went right then. He was also very receptive. When we returned a week later he had already dumped his beer because he was told that "Mormons don't drink." They were baptized as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints a few weeks later. They had become dissatisfied with the teachings of their previous church and were looking for something that "rang true". They also brought friends who were similarly dissatisfied at church, who were taught and baptized. I am still in touch with this couple and they have been true to the faith ever since. They later told me that more than fifty members of the Church had come from my teaching them.
I am so grateful I had the opportunity to serve and for those I had a small part in helping to change and embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ. I am grateful to President Edward Drury Jr., my mission president, for his help while I had difficulty adjusting to missionary life. I had some great missionary companions, but I want to especially mention Tom Slack. He was my first and training companion. He got me started and helped me learn what the gospel is about and how to teach it. Even today I tremendously admire this man and his talents. I completed my mission honorably and returned to making a life in Lakewood, California.
The Lord is always there for us. When we wander off His path, He will guide us back if we will let Him. And He will send those who will help guide us. There is no wandering too far to be reached. I really believe that every person has the ability to change into the person God wants them to be. It doesn't matter where they are now. The opportunity to change is always there.
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